Don’t Say It, Unless You Mean It

June 6, 2015

As a twenty year old woman, maybe girl I should say, my fellow peers and I have some questions that always somehow come across our minds. These questions aren’t ridiculously important but just what girls think when they’re with one another because we fuel each other up. From my experience and I can bet from many others, when you’re with your girlfriends and talk or gossip about certain ideas, you tend to over analyze which turns the conversation into a frenzy.

A particular topic of conversation that always comes up is why men or boys say things that they don’t truly mean. College guys and girls like to have fun, whether it be getting fucked up all the time, going to lectures to listen to professors, autobiographers or scientists or just staying in and watching Netflix and eating popcorn. Nonetheless, college people like to have a fun, which means that in terms of any type of relationships, things can always get very tricky and confusing.

Us women aren’t actively seeking out relationships but it would be nice to have some consistency in our life. Women my age still want to have fun, but they also want to know that there’s a little bit of consistency. Since our generation is known as the hook up generation, we can’t have high expectations because that is not fair for us to put on guys our age. BUT what also isn’t fair is when guys are constantly saying things they don’t mean to one night stand situations or girls they’re “kinda” consistently hooking up with. For example, I went home with this one guy and understood this to be a one night stand type of night, and I was totally fine with that because I wanted it too. Throughout the night he would say things like “can we make this a normal thing”, “will I see you again?”, and “let’s hang out again”. At the time I didn’t believe him but being in this type of situation I just nodded my head because I knew he didn’t actually mean it. The week after when he texted me to meet up at a party I thought, “wow maybe I was wrong”. Once I got to the party, I was completely right in my initial thoughts, there he was up against the wall with another girl. Took me by surprise, we didn’t even talk afterwards ever. Sometimes we run into each on campus and say hi but nothing.

In that particular situation I was terribly confused. Before he invited me over to this party, he friended me on Facebook and added me on SnapChat. He was reaching out to me first before I was because in my mind I didn’t see it a big deal and didn’t think it would lead to anything. He made all the moves before that second night and then when it came down to the night, poof it’s like nothing happened, like he didn’t say any of those things! I got over it like any woman my age would because it was just one of those situations but it’s situations like that, that really make it hard for women my age to understand and somewhat trust guys.

I’m not trying to put all the blame on men, because women are just to be blamed for as well sometimes! Hell I’ve done some pretty questionable bitchy things that I’m not proud of that have really screwed over some guys in my life. What I’m trying to get at though that my girlfriends and I don’t quite understand is, why say all that stuff when obviously you don’t mean it! It gets me thinking that guys think that girls need that little self esteem booster because they think we WANT or NEED them to say those things so it makes US feel better. In all reality though….it’s the 21st century, women understand the concept of a one night stand, they understand the concept of not talking afterwards and just letting it be, we understand the concept of FUN. We are capable of having such fun and we enjoy that type of fun too, what we don’t enjoy is saying something you clearly don’t mean. Guys (as well as women) need to understand how to just say it how it is, don’t sugar coat it! If you don’t want to say those things at the end of the night then don’t, it’s not like us women are searching for you to say it! And ladies, if you’re going to put yourself in this type of situation….don’t expect it! For crying out loud, it’s a one night stand, the definition is within the title!

This post is probably me just ranting and I’m still trying to get the hang of blogging in general, but this specific topic is one that really should be addressed to men, boys, women, girls, everyone really. Don’t say something unless you truly mean it, otherwise you should keep your mouth shut.

Emma Stone

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